|Played By||Bryan Hearne|
|Sketch(es)||Crazy Taxi Driver|
|Children||Unnamed adopted baby|
|Enemies||All of his customers|
A taxi driver, played by Bryan Hearne, gets distracted while driving customers, often resulting in them falling out of the car. He has an unplaceable accent and a seemingly endless supply of items in the front of the cab. In one episode a pregnant woman gives birth in his cab before falling out. He doesn't know where she went, and adopts the baby.
- "Oh, Customer!"
- "Where you go?"
- "Ok, I take you there!"